I love Lost. Adore it. Totally.

Well, not *totally*. In no particular order, here are 10 RUBBISH things about it… (Spoilers ahead.)

1. Stranger in a Strange Land, the famous ‘Jack’s tattoo’ episode. It has a pathetic, boring flashback story with a terrible guest performance.
2. Nikki and Paulo. If they’d only been in the one episode that tells us about their backstory then kills them off, the idea might have worked. It would have been a fun exercise in a new point of view. But having them turn up, unannounced yet seeming like they’ve always been there, a few episodes into season three was incredibly inelegant.
3. Season three also has a number of redundant flashbacks – Locke joins a commune, Kate gets married, Sayid is recognised by a torture victim – that slot into what’s already been established but don’t shed much new light on anything.
4. The ‘Australian’ accents are often horrifically horrible. Some American actors seem to think Australians talk like 19th-century cockneys. The show was shot in Hawaii. Was it really so difficult to fly some Aussie over for a guest spot?
5. In a Desmond episode – Flashes Before Your Eyes – the production designer spells ‘honour’ the American way on a British Army recruitment poster. Sigh.
6. On a similar note, we see Brixton in the episode Fire + Water. It looks nothing like the real Brixton. There are tramps huddled round a burning oil drum.
7. Season six has a lot of walking back and forth across the island for not terribly exciting reasons. The show seems much more interested in the ‘flash-sideways’ at that point.
8. Also, all the stuff at the temple in that final season is really dull. Who’s that Dogen guy? How can he bring people back to life? Why does he have an interpreter? Why do we never find out that the interpreter’s name is, according to Lostpedia, Lennon? Even if these had been answered, I’m not convinced we’d care.
9. Actually… why *is* Walt special?
10. Nope, can’t think of a 10th bad thing.

See, I didn’t even MENTION polar bears. (Because, despite what uninformed people will tell you, they demonstrably explained the polar bears.)