Downton Abbey: series 4 episode 6

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SPOILER WARNING: Plot points will be revealed in this episode-by-episode discussion of ITV period drama Downton Abbey.

Written by Julian Fellowes. Directed by Philip John. Originally broadcast: 27 October 2013, ITV.

Alfred hears that he’s got a job at the Ritz, Mr Bates has a lot on his mind, Rose arranges a surprise for Robert’s birthday, and Violet sacks a gardener for theft so Isobel fights his corner…

When is it set? Spring 1922. Michael Gregson went to Munich “a few weeks ago”.

Where is it set? The house. Violet’s house. Isobel’s house. The Netherby Hotel. A country lane.

Debuts, deaths and guest stars:
* There’s mention of Cora’s brother, Harold (who has yet to appear in the show). He lives in America and has got himself into financial troubles over oil leases.
* Simon Lowe plays a snooty maître d’ at a local hotel.
* Charles Blake (Julian Ovenden) is a friend and colleague of Mary’s mate Evelyn. He comes to stay at Downton and is initially a bit brusk. He works for the government, looking into Britain’s farming estates, and rubs Mary up the wrong way by suggesting that national food production is more important than saving the aristrocracy.  

Best bits:
* Poor Edith. At breakfast she asks if there’s any post for her, clearly hoping for word from Michael Gregson. There isn’t. She later makes some phone calls and discovers that he’s vanished into thin air: no one has heard from him since he moved to Germany.
* Young gardener John Pegg calls Isobel ‘your ladyship’. She starts to explain that she’s not a lady, then just says, “Oh, never mind.” Great comic timing from Penelope Wilton.
* Thomas Barrow sees Rose coming out of Mrs Hughes’s pantry. “I wonder why Lady Rose was down here,” he says. Mrs H: “And I’m afraid you will continue to wonder.” She clearly thinks he’s a twat.
* When grumpy Jimmy says he doesn’t know why Alfred is nervous about his new job, Mr Carson swats him down by saying it’s because he’s intelligent. “Only stupid people are foolhardy.”
* Kevin Doyle continues to make every scene featuring Mr Molesley a delight. Having heard that Alfred is quitting, he goes – literally cap in hand – to Mr Carson to say he’s willing to take his place. Sadly for Molesley, Mr Carson is holding a grudge because Mr M once turned the job down.
* Edith gets a letter from her doctor: her symptoms, it says, ‘are consistent with those of the first trimester of pregnancy.’
* Charles Blake makes a good first impression. His relationship with Mary is cliché city – he annoys her, then they get on – but it’s a good performance and he feels like her intellectual equal.
* Rose’s surprise for Robert’s birthday? She’s arranged for a band from a London night club to play at the house. Of course, it’s the band she heard at the Lotus Club two episodes ago… including their African-American singer, Jack Ross. This causes a fuss amongst the lazily racist world of Downton Abbey. “Have you never thought of visiting Africa?” asks Mr Carson. Jack points out that his ancestors left there in the 1790s. As slaves. Embarrassed Carson then switches tacks pointing out that he’s proud of how Britain abolished the slave trade.
* Mary catches Rose snogging Jack Ross.

Worst bits:
* Tom Branson’s long goodbye is still dragging on. He’s going to move to America, he says. Yeah, right.
* Thomas Barrow, meanwhile, is blackmailing Miss Baxter for information. Yawn.
* There’s a rather predictable subplot about things going missing from Violet’s house.
* Anna and Bates go for a meal at local hotel The Netherby, but the maître d’ won’t give them a table simply because they’re not upper class. However, Cora is *coincidentally* eating there, sees the couple, comes over and embarrasses the maître d’ into giving them a table.

Real history:
* Jimmy mentions a new film: The Sheik (1921), which was directed by George Melford. Mrs Patmore says she likes its star Rudolph Valentino (1895-1926). (“He makes me shiver all over,” she says. “What a very disturbing thought,” says Mr Carson under his breath.) However, after Ivy has seen the movie, she reckons Valentino is slithery. She also mentions his co-star Agnes Ayres (1898-1940).
* Mr Carson compares Mr Molesley to ‘Kaiser Bill’ – aka Germany’s Kaiser Wilhelm II (1859-1941) – who abdicated reluctantly.
* Mrs Patmore mentions the Norman Conquest of 1066.
* Charles Blake works for David Lloyd-George (1863-1945), the Prime Minister.
* Carson quotes Robert Henley, the 1st Earl of Northington, who in 1763 said: “If a man sets foot on English soil then he is free.”
* Jack Ross and his band perform I’m Just Wild About Harry. The song was written in 1921 by Noble Sissle (lyrics) and Eubie Blake (music) for Shuffle Along, the first successful Broadway show written by and starring African-Americans.
* Cora asks Robert if they’ve ever met “this Senator Fall” that her brother is involved with. Albert B Fall (1861-1944) was a US Senator from New Mexico. In April 1922, it was revealed that he’d granted lucrative oil-drilling rights to his friends in return for $385,000. The furore was known as the Teapot Dome Scandal, named for one of the government-owned oil fields.

Upstairs, Downton: Mrs Hughes mentions the green baize door, the stereotypical threshold in an aristocratic household that divides the servants’ area from the rest of the building. When initially cooked up by actresses Jean Marsh and Eileen Atkins, Upstairs Downstairs was planned as a comedy called Behind the Green Baize Door. 

Maggie Smithism of the week: Violet watches the live jazz band performing in Downton Abbey’s hall: “Do you think any of them know what the others are playing?”

Mary’s men: Two admirers come to stay at the house, Mary’s old friend Evelyn Napier and his pal Charles Blake. She doesn’t get on with the latter and makes some barbs towards him; then they sit next to each other at dinner and he calls her out for being a hypocrite. “You seem to have brought a traitor into our midst,” she later says to Evelyn. Charles, meanwhile, tells Evelyn that he’s not keen on Mary because she wants everything on a plate. “She feels much the same about you,” observes Evelyn.

Doggie! Isis sits with the family as they have an evening drink.

Review: A disposable episode in some ways, though the introduction of Charles Blake shows promise.

Next episode…

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Dracula (BBC1, 28 December 2006, Bill Eagles)

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An occasional series where I write about works inspired by Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula…

These reviews reveal plot twists.

Setting: It’s 1899, which is a little later than in the novel. The locations include the fictional Castle Holmwood and the genuine graveyard of St Mary’s Church in Whitby; the fictional Westenra House and the genuine Harley Street, Chelsea and Highgate Cemetery in London; and the fictional Castle Dracula in Transylvania.

Faithful to the novel? This TV version of Stoker’s novel is another one of those vaguely faithful adaptations that nevertheless makes many changes.
* For a start, the first character we meet – in a spooky prologue – is Abraham Van Helsing (David Suchet). He doesn’t appear in the book until nearly a third of the way in.
* The lead character here is a secondary character in the novel. Arthur, aka Lord Holmwood (Dan Stevens), is a wet fish who quotes poetry at girlfriend Lucy Westenra (Sophia Myles). Nevertheless she agrees to marry him.
* This disappoints Arthur’s pal John Seward (Tom Burke), who fancies Lucy too. The novel’s third suitor, the American Quincy Morris, has been dropped.
* Arthur then travels to his childhood home, Whitby, to see his insane, dying father. He also learns that the syphilis-related condition that soon kills his dad is hereditary… (Why Arthur was being called Lord Holmwood while his father was still alive is not addressed. In the novel, his father is not insane and dies ‘off stage’.)
* A month later, looking for a cure, Arthur visits a mysterious man called Singleton (Donald Sumpter). Together they plot to bring a “magician” to England so he can use his knowledge of blood transfusions to cure Arthur…. The character of Singleton was created for this film. Being Dracula’s ally in the UK, he takes the place of the lunatic Renfield from the novel.
* We then meet Lucy’s friends Jonathan Harker (Rafe Spall) and Mina Murray (Stephanie Leonadis). Jonathan is a newly qualified solicitor who’s soon given a job. He’s told that a client called Mr Singleton has an associate on the continent who wants to buy some London property, so Jonathan travels to Transylvania to meet the secretive nobleman Count Dracula (Marc Warren). He looks very old – a detail from the novel that’s almost always abandoned in adaptations – and insists that Jonathan stays longer than planned. We get the usual scenes of Harker being trapped in a scary castle and being unnerved by his host’s demeanour, but in a break from the book’s plot he’s then killed rather than escapes.
* Cut back to England, and Arthur and Lucy are getting married in the rain. Lucy’s joy is short-lived, though, because Arthur chooses to go off with Singleton rather than be with her on their wedding night. This lack of interest in sex makes John suspicious so he tails Arthur, who takes part in a bizarre religious ceremony.
* Meanwhile, Dracula is travelling to Britain on board a ship called the Demeter.
* The next day, Arthur sheepishly turns up in Whitby and gives Lucy a necklace. She responds by grabbing his crotch, but he resists because of his secret syphilis.
* The Demeter beaches at Whitby, but the crew have vanished and Jonathan’s corpse is aboard. The only cargo is a box of earth. Lucy and an in-mourning Mina soon encounter Dracula, who now looks younger and doesn’t have an issue with daylight. Arthur is angry that they’ve all become friends and demands that Dracula does what he was brought to England for: cure Arthur. But the vampire openly says he’s more interested in the women of the house.
* We’re told that Dracula is 900 years old (it’s quite refreshing that no connection is made to Vlad the Impaler) then see that he can transform into a bat.
* During the night, Dracula uses his hypnotic vampire abilities to sexually abuse Lucy while Arthur sleeps in the same bed. He forces her to feed from his chest.
* Lucy subsequently falls ill, so Arthur calls in medical doctor John. He says she needs a blood transfusion, but it doesn’t work and she dies. She’s buried in Highgate Cemetery, which also features in the novel (if disguised with a fake name).
* Now that Dracula is in the UK and feeding, he doesn’t need acolyte Singleton any more so kills him. John, still on the case of what the fuck is going on, finds the corpse in a room full of ritualistic paraphernalia then searches the cellar underneath. There he encounters Abraham Van Helsing, a gibbering lunatic who’s been imprisoned because he knows a lot about Dracula. (He dodged death because he has a crucifix round his neck.)
* Van Helsing explains that Singleton and Arthur are part of the Brotherhood of the Undead, a cult who arranges for vampires such as Dracula to come to Britain. John then travels back to Whitby to confront Arthur.
* Dracula, meanwhile, targets Mina in London.
* Having cleaned up both his clothes and his mind, Van Helsing tells Arthur and John that they must view Lucy’s corpse. They creep into her crypt at night and find the coffin empty. Luce then appears standing behind them; she’s a vampire so attacks her husband and taunts John. Arthur must stake her. As he does so, we see that elsewhere Dracula is simultaneously hurt.
* The men find the Count at the Brotherhood’s HQ. He murders Arthur – by twisting his head off! Then Van Helsing distracts the vampire with some Christian rhetoric (which is very reminiscent of dialogue from The Exorcist) so that John can stake him. Dracula dies.
* In the final shot, we see a seemingly resurrected Dracula living rough on the streets of London…

Best performance: David Suchet as Van Helsing. It’s little more than a cameo – like a big famous actor showing up for a day’s work on a low-budget movie – but at least it’s an interesting performance.

Best bit: How good Sophia Myles looks in a nightgown.

Review: One of the jewels in the crown of the BBC’s Christmas schedule in 2006, this 90-minute TV movie falls very flat indeed. It has no life to it; no blood coursing through its veins. By shuffling the book’s plot, it also leads to some odd storytelling. Arthur is the lead character, but is quite unlikable and selfish. The focus then shifts to Jonathan, who meets Dracula barely a few minutes after being introduced and is killed off very quickly. The script also changes the motivations of several characters, notably Arthur. The story is now about his hubris, rather than the savagery of Count Dracula. Admittedly, it’s an interesting idea that Dracula targets our group of characters because one of them made a deal with the devil. In the novel, he more or less picks them at random. But the biggest problem with this film is a general sense of going through the motions. The cast lack energy, the script lacks distinction, and the direction is boring. It’s very difficult to care about anything that’s happening. There’s also precious little discussion of vampirism; it’s just assumed that every character and every viewer knows all about it. As BBC adaptations go, this is not a patch on the 1977 effort.

Three garden parties out of 10

“Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience…”

Episodes of the American sitcom Cheers typically begin with a voiceover informing viewers that the show has been recorded with a studio audience in attendance. The device was introduced during the first season to confound rumours that the producers were adding a laughter track.

The phrase first appeared on the 13th episode (Now Pitching, Sam Malone, which was broadcast on 6 January 1983) and was used on nearly every episode until the show came to an end with its 11th season in 1993. The regular cast shared the duties, on a seemingly random rotation, so I thought it would be edifying – or at least diverting – to see who did it the most often.

11. Nicholas Colasanto (Coach Ernie Pantusso) – 0

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Of the 10 actors credited in a Cheers opening title sequence, only one never said “Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience”: Nicholas Colasanto, who played dim-witted but eternally loveable barman Coach. The character was a regular from episode one, but Colasanto died from heart disease on 12 February 1985 during production of the show’s third season.

=9. Kirstie Alley (Rebecca Howe) – 1

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Despite neurotic bar manager Rebecca being in all 149 episodes made after she joined the cast in 1987, Kirstie Alley performed the introductory voiceover just once: on the episode Paint Your Office (5 November 1987).

=9. Bebe Neuwirth (Lilith Sternin-Crane) – 1

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Psychiatrist Lilith was initially a one-off character in season four – a love interest for Frasier Crane – then returned as a semi-regular from season five onwards. But despite all these appearances, Neuwirth only got to say “Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience” once. It was on Madame LaCarla (3 October 1991), which came during the 10th season when she’d been temporarily promoted to the regular cast.

8. George Wendt (Norm Peterson) – 12

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One of only three actors who appeared in all 270 episodes of Cheers, George Wendt – who played slovenly but good-natured barfly Norm – was conspicuously underused when it came to assuring viewers that the laughs were genuine. When the gimmick was introduced, he actually said it on the first three episodes. But he was then called on just three times in the next two seasons… and then not again until season 10. His final go at it was on the episode It’s Lonely On The Top (29 April 1993).

7. Kelsey Grammer (Frasier Crane) – 13

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Psychiatrist Frasier Crane was introduced in the first episode of the 1984/85 season, initially as a short-term character. But he proved so popular he was promoted to the regular cast and stayed until the end. He performed the voiceover 13 times, from season six’s My Fair Clavin (10 December 1987) to season 11’s Is There a Doctor in the Howe? (11 February 1993).

6. [No one] – 22

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There are 22 episodes of Cheers that don’t use the phrase. Most came before the device was introduced, but in occasional later episodes it was replaced by either a ‘Previously on Cheers’-type voiceover or simply the first line of the opening scene.

5. Shelley Long (Diane Chambers) – 27

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One of the co-leads when the series began, Shelley Long – who played aspirational waitress Diane – featured in every episode until leaving at the end of the fifth season. (She also returned as a guest star for the last ever episode in 1993.) Her first go at “Cheers is filmed…” was on the second-season episode Homicidal Ham (27 October 1983); her final instance was on I Do, Adieu (7 May 1987), her last episode as a regular.

4. Woody Harrelson (Woody Boyd) – 33

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Naïve, young barman Woody Boyd joined the show at the start of season four, as a replacement for Coach, and stayed until the end. But he had to wait for his first “Cheers is filmed…”. It finally came in season six on the episode Christmas Cheers (17 December 1987). His final voiceover was exactly five years later on Love Me, Love My Car (17 December 1992).

3. John Ratzenberger (Cliff Clavin) – 49

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Postman Cliff featured in the show’s opener, Give Me a Ring Sometime (30 September 1982), then was in nearly every episode until the finale in 1993. Ratzenberger said “Cheers is filmed…” regularly between No Contest (17 February 1983) and Look Before You Sleep (1 April 1993). He’s one of only two actors who got to do it in all 11 seasons. He’s also one of only two actors who were allowed to embellish the phrase. The first and fourth times he performed the function, it was amended to “Here’s a little-known fact: Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.”

2. Rhea Perlman (Carla Tortelli/LeBec) – 53

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Caustic waitress Carla was in every episode of Cheers and performed the voiceover in every season, from Show Down Part 1 (24 March 1983) until penultimate episode The Guy Can’t Help It (13 May 1993). She also got her own character-centric embellishment. In most of her instances during the first five seasons, she said “Hey” before the usual wording. This addition was then dropped.

1. Ted Danson (Sam Malone) – 59

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Unsurprisingly, the actor who introduced episodes of Cheers the most often was the top-billed Ted Danson, who played bar owner and ladies’ man Sam Malone in every episode. What is surprising, perhaps, is that he didn’t do it until the third season. Ted’s first voiceover was on Rebound (Part 1) (27 September 1984), then he performed the role regularly until series finale One for the Road (20 May 1993).

Downton Abbey: series 4 episode 5

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SPOILER WARNING: Plot points will be revealed in this episode-by-episode discussion of ITV period drama Downton Abbey.

Written by Julian Fellowes. Directed by Philip John. Originally broadcast: 20 October 2013, ITV.

Anna is still refusing to tell her husband why she’s being so distant, Alfred trains for a cookery test at the Ritz Hotel, and Edith makes a secret trip to the doctors…

When is it set? We’ve seriously slowed down now. Early seasons of Downton Abbey took place over a few years each; now, every episode is set just days after the last. So we’re still in mid 1922. It’s been long enough since episode three of this season for Anna to know that her rape hasn’t resulted in a pregnancy.

Where is it set? Outside the Bateses’ cottage. Downton Abbey. Isobel’s house. The churchyard. Violet’s house. The office of Dr Goldman in London. The Ritz Hotel.

Debuts, deaths and guest stars:
* Miss Baxter (Raquel Cassidy) is Cora’s new lady’s maid, hired to replace the short-term Edna Braithwaite (who herself was Miss O’Brien’s replacement). She makes an effort with Cora – bringing her orange juice for breakfast, which reminds Cora of her American youth – and uses a thrillingly modern electric sewing machine. Thomas thinks he can get her to be his mole like O’Brien was, but Miss Baxter has other ideas.
* John Pegg (Joncie Elmore) is a local lad whose family are struggling, so Isobel gets him a job working as a gardener for Violet. There’s a bump in the road when the Dowager suspects he’s stolen a knife, but it turns out she simply misplaced it. (John and his mother actually appeared in the version of the preceding episode that was shown in the US. Their scenes were missing from the UK broadcast.)
* Mr Drewe (Andrew Scarborough) is a local farmer at Yew Tree Farm. His father has died owing back rent to Downton, so Robert and the others want to evict the family. But Mr Drewe wants to stay and argues his case. He wins the day – thanks to Robert secretly subsidising him.
* Alfred has a job interview at the Ritz. The sous chef who conducts it is called Arsène Avigno (Yves Aubert).

Best bits:
* Edith is optimistic when the post arrives, but she’s disappointed that there’s no letter from Michael Gregson. Poor Edith.
* Unseen by anyone, Mary’s eyes well up as she writes to Tony Gillingham to congratulate him on getting engaged.
* Edith says she thought Tony was keen on Mary. Mary replies caustically: “Not for the first time you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.”
* The charming scene of Tom Branson playing with daughter Sybie.
* Edith visits London, telling people she needs to go to Michael’s office. But then we see her head for a doctor’s office…
* When Bates says he’ll leave because Anna clearly doesn’t love him any more, Mrs Hughes has no choice but to tell him about the rape… Of course, he doesn’t believe the detail that the man was a stranger and assumes it was Mr Green. He then tells Anna he knows what happened and pretends that the matter is at an end. But he later tells Mrs Hughes that nothing is over and nothing is done with…

Worst bits:
* How the Downton estate is run – which tenants to evict, which land to farm – has become a boringly recurring topic of conversation. At least it stops people debating who’ll inherit the house when Robert dies.
* Also dragging now is Tom’s feeling that he’s out of place at Downton. This week he moots moving to America.
* Alfred applying for a new job as a cook at the Ritz? Where’s the fast-forward button?
* Mrs Patmore is sniffy and dismissive about Miss Baxter’s new-fangled sewing machine. Then – guess what? – snags her apron and needs it fixing pronto.

Real history:
* Robert makes a passing reference to George III (1738-1820), who was on the throne from 1760 until his death (with his son as regent for the final decade due to George’s dementia). Violet does the same with the poet Lord Bryon (1788-1824).
* Robert tells Mr Drewe, “It’s no good painting me as Simon Legree,” when the latter is upset at being evicted. Legree is a slave owner in the 1852 novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harrier Beecher Stowe (1811-1896). His name became a synonym for cruelty.
* Alfred wants to work at The Ritz Hotel. On Piccadilly in London, it opened in 1906. If he gets the job he will be working under the famous chef Auguste Escoffier (1846-1935) while his interview is with Arsène Avignon, a sous chef who really did work at the Ritz. 

Upstairs, Downton: “Mrs Patmore,” asks Cora at one point, “is there any aspect of the present day you can accept without resistance?” It’s because Mrs P is unhappy about an electric sewing machine and a refrigerator now being part of her life. It’s reminiscent of Upstairs, Downstairs cook Mrs Bridges, who also had a distrust of modern gizmos.

Maggie Smithism of the week: When Isobel says that Violet cares about the unemployed as much as she does, Violet replies, “Nobody cares about *anything* as much as you do…”

Mary’s men: She reads in the newspaper that her friend Tony Gillingham, who’s been flirting with her over recent episodes, has got engaged and it upsets her. Later, her pal Evelyn Napier turns up on official business: he works for the government and is assessing rural estates’ chances of survival. (He adds that Downton is not under threat.) He says he has a colleague called Charles Blake, who will be staying at Downton soon.

Doggie! Isis bounds into the library at one point.

Review: An episode with a lot going on. Too much, probably. The show’s format has hit peak soap-opera-ness now: scenes are short and terse, and some plots feel short-changed.

Next episode…

Logan (2017, James Mangold)

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Spoiler warning: these reviews reveal plot twists.

In the near-future, Logan is struggling to protect an ailing Charles Xavier, and then encounters a young girl with Wolverine-like powers…

Get used to multiples names (well, actually, not really: this ‘X-Men’ film mostly ignores aliases and codenames)…
* Logan (Hugh Jackman) is in a bad way. It’s been several years since the X-Men were a crime-fighting team of superheroes, and he’s now carving out a meagre living as an Uber driver. He’s also feeling old, has grown a beard, needs reading glasses, and has been considering suicide. Logan – who doesn’t use the name Wolverine any more – has his former mentor Charles stashed in Mexico, hidden away from the world because Charles has dementia and his psychic powers are endangering innocent people. But they must go on the run when they encounter a young girl who’s being chased by bad guys. The girl, Laura, was cloned from Logan’s DNA, making her his sorta daughter… It’s a fantastically cynical and pissed-off performance from Jackman, with depth and heart and a journey. It’s also his final time playing the character: Logan dies during the climactic chase/fight sequence.
* Gabriela Lopez (Elizabeth Rodriguez) is a nurse who comes asking for Logan’s help. She works at a facility that’s been experimenting on mutant children and she’s smuggled one of them out. The backstory of the experiments is told in a video Gabriela shot on her iPhone. It’s *ridiculously* over-edited and elaborately filmed for something made quickly and in secret.
* Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook) is the story’s main heavy. He’s a loquacious Southerner with a Terminator-style robotic hand who’s chasing down Laura. (On the topic of his hand, the film presents an admirably understated vision of the near future. As well as Pierce’s hand, there are also driverless lorries roaming the highways. But it’s only 2029 so the world basically looks like today.)
* Caliban (Stephen Merchant) looks after Charles while Logan earns them some cash. He’s a mutant who can’t stand being in sunlight. He’s also English and mentions both underpants and spotted dick. Played with deadpan sincerity by Merchant, the character acts like a concerned partner, worried for Logan’s well-being.
* Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) is now in his 90s and must take medication to keep damaging seizures in check. Also, his memory is failing and he goes in and out of lucidity. Stewart, of course, is brilliant. Charles is in turn sweet and grumpy, innocent and piercing. About halfway through the story he’s killed by a soldier who’s been cloned from Logan’s DNA (and therefore also played by Hugh Jackman).
* Laura aka X-23 (Dafne Keen) is a 10-year-old girl who’s been smuggled out of the experimental clinic, so the evil company are now hunting her down. She was bred using Logan’s genetic material and shares his super-healing powers; also, like her ‘dad’, she has claws and can cut grown men to ribbons in savage attacks. She’s mute for well over half the film, then gets a laugh from the audience by nonchalantly saying ‘De nada’ when Logan thanks her for saving his life. He’s stunned that she can speak, but soon tells her to shut the fuck up after she launches into a relentless volley of angry Spanish. Actress Keen is refreshingly downbeat and avoids adding any cuteness to the performance. By the time she was born, Hugh Jackman had played Wolverine three times.
* Zander Rice (Richard E Grant) is the head of Transigen, the shady company who have been experimenting on young mutants. In an otherwise very textured film, Rice is a bit of a stock ‘bad guy’.
* The Munsons (Eriq La Salle, Elise Neal and Quincy Fouse) are a sweet, homely family who take Logan and co in for the night. It doesn’t end well for them when Pierce and Rice track Laura to their house…
* Logan and Laura’s journey takes them to ‘Eden’, a meeting point for young mutants on the run. We meet several of the youngsters, who each has a different power. They plan to cross the border into Canada, but before they leave, Rice, Pierce and their goons show up.

Crossovers and continuity: There are a few elements that are contradicted or expanded in other X-Men movies.
* Although never spelt out, this film presumably takes place in the alternative timeline created during X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014). Notwithstanding that, the events of The Wolverine (2013) still seem to have happened: Logan has a samurai sword mounted on his wall.
* The character of Caliban also appeared in X-Men: Apocalypse (2016), played by Tómas Lemarquis, where he was a black-market trader. That film is set 46 years prior to this one, but Caliban’s a mutant so presumably has a longer lifespan than most people.
* The exploits of the X-Men have been turned into a series of comic books, which is a nice meta gag as well as a way of dramatising Logan’s disdain for his own celebrity.
* Part of Zander Rice’s motivation comes from the fact his father was killed by Wolverine during the latter’s cameo in the 1983-set X-Men: Apocalypse. 

Review: Every so often, a superhero movie comes along that does something so different, so bold, so fresh – or just simply so well – that it recalibrates what the genre can achieve. Superman: The Movie, the 1989 Batman, the original X-Men film, The Dark Knight, Deadpool… Add Logan to that list. Maybe put it at the top. This is a savage, heartfelt and gripping film that pushes boundaries, tests limits and – most importantly – succeeds on every important level of filmmaking. Rather than a superhero blockbuster of huge CGI sequences, fantastical costumes and a $200million gloss, this is essentially a modern Western. It’s mostly set in dusty, sandy, desert locations. The story is simple and stripped-down. We have a smarmy, cocky villain teasing and provoking our aging, damaged, cynical hero who’s been forced by circumstances to reluctantly become a father figure. And James Mangold’s masterful direction always gives the characters plenty of space to breath and brood. (Just in case you’ve missed the idiom, one scene shows Charles watching the 1953 Western Shane in a hotel room.) But there are other influences too. The movie also has the down-and-dirty intensity of The Terminator, while the stunningly visceral action sequences remind you of Terminator 2. There’s also a post-apocalyptic feel that evokes, say, Mad Max 2 (although, Mangold says that’s largely because they didn’t have the budget to ‘Hollywood up’ America and just had to shoot in real, rundown locations). There’s even something of Little Miss Sunshine in the characters’ road trip across the country. Pointedly, of course, it *isn’t* reminding you of previous superhero films. Logan is something very different. Most notably it’s a film for grown-ups. On a surface level, that means we get lots of swearing and graphic violence. But while that’s certainly welcome, the more significant consequences of the 15 certificate are that the story can be about adult concerns – the pain of aging, the worry of watching your parents age, regrets, guilt, parenthood, death – and be paced for an audience with an attention span. Add in a fantastic music score by Marco Beltrami, some discreet CG to enhance action, and some breathtaking cinematography, and you have a very special film indeed.

Ten sunseekers out of 10

Downton Abbey: series 4 episode 4

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SPOILER WARNING: Plot points will be revealed in this episode-by-episode discussion of ITV period drama Downton Abbey.

Written by Julian Fellowes. Directed by Catherine Morshead. Originally broadcast: 6 October 2013, ITV.

Anna is traumatised after her brutal attack, though is refusing to tell her husband about it. Elsewhere, Tom Branson feels out of place, Mary faces an uncertain future, Alfred wants to be a chef, and Michael Gregson prepares to leave for Munich…

When is it set? The episode begins the day after the previous episode ended: a Monday in spring 1922. We then progress over a few days.

Where is it set? The house. The local churchyard. Lady Rosamund’s house, the Lotus Club and Michael Gregson’s flat in London.

Debuts, deaths and guest stars:
* When a group of characters go to The Lotus, a London night club, there’s an American singer performing there called Jack Ross (Gary Carr). Lady Rose dances with him, which shocks her family… because he’s black.
* After sleeping with Tom Branson, Edna gets a big stalkery. She asks if he’ll marry her if she’s pregnant. But it’s just a rouse to wheedle some money from him, which Mrs Hughes rumbles. Edna loses her job and leaves.
* Michael Gregson leaves for Germany. He intends to write a novel while he waits for citizenship and the ability to divorce his sectioned wife.
* Thomas Barrow has someone in mind to replace Edna. Someone older, he says.

Best bits:
* Anna’s turmoil is so well played by actress Joanne Froggatt. Not only has Anna been through an awful experience, but she feels she can’t talk about it. Her attacker, the vile Mr Green, is also still working at the house.
* Likewise, Penelope Wilton continues to never be anything less than excellent as Isobel, who’s still mourning her son and feels uneasy about Mary getting on with her life.
* Edith spends the night at Michael Gregson’s – it’s their last chance for some rumpy-pumpy before he emigrates – then has to do the walk of shame in the morning. She’s seen by a maid as she creeps up the stairs with her shoes in her hands. Later that morning, Rosamund takes Edith to task. “Please don’t say you were talking and lost track of time,” she says.

Worst bits:
* Various servants are moody at breakfast. “What’s the matter with everyone this merry morn?” asks Thomas. How did the actor keep a straight face during that line?
* Tom Branson and Edna discuss their night of passion – which he now regrets – and are overheard by… that’s right, Thomas Barrow. He’s always nearby when there’s plot-driving eavesdropping to do.
* More stuff about the younger servants fancying each other. Snooze!

Real history:
* The character of Jack Ross is loosely based on Leslie ‘Hutch’ Hutchinson (1900-1969), a cabaret star of the 1920s and 30s who was, for a time, the highest paid entertainer in Britain. He had affairs with society women including Edwina Mountbatten (1901-1960), the wife of the current Queen’s second cousin.
* To make sure she won’t get pregnant, Edna reads Married Love by Marie Stopes, a hugely influential 1918 book that openly discussed birth control.
* Edith mentions the story of Lady Warwick ringing the stable bell at 6am so everyone had time to get back to the right beds before the maids and valets showed up. Daisy Greville, Countess of Warwick (1861-1938) was the long-time mistress of Edward VII. The 1892 song Daisy Bell (Bicycle Built For Two) was written about her.

Upstairs, Downton: We see an establishing shot of Rosamund’s house in London. It looks remarkably similar to the Bellamys’ gaffe on Eaton Place in Upstairs, Downstairs.

Maggie Smithism of the week: Violet admits that there are times when Isobel’s virtue demands admiration. Robert says he’s surprised to hear her say that. “Not as surprised as I am,” says Violet.

Mary’s men: When he leaves after last episode’s house party, Tony Gillingham shares a nice goodbye with Mary. She’s still dressing in widow black, but his attentions have brightened her mood. The next day, Mary visits London and is surprised when her aunt arranges for Tony to see her. They dance with each other on a night out, but she tells him she’s not ready for another relationship. The *next* day, though, he follows her back to Downton – hope he gets a good deal on train tickets – and asks Mary to marry him. “It’s no good, Tony,” she says. “I’m not free of [Matthew] and I don’t want to be without him. Not yet.”

Review: This episode has a fine line to tread. By introducing a black character, it must deal with racism. The young, relatively enlightened Rose shows no prejudice, but Mary, Rosamund and Edith all disapprove of her dancing with Jack Ross. Surely that rings true with what would have happened in 1922. However, the episode was made and shown in 2013 – so the nastiness is downplayed. Rosamund makes a pointed reference to Jack being a ‘black band leader’ but openly racist language and attitudes are avoided, which is probably a fudge.

Next episode…

My top 10 Harrison Ford characters

Harrison Ford has been one of my favourite actors for a very long time. Being about five years old and realising that the same man played both Han Solo and Indiana Jones was possibly the exact moment I became a film geek. So to celebrate his 75th birthday here’s a rundown of his best characters…

10. President James Marshall

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Appears in: Air Force One (1997)
Quote: “Get off my plane!”
In this silly but fun thriller, Ford is a fictional US President fighting terrorists who have taken over his personal airliner. It’s one of the actor’s *many* roles in which he plays a husband/father whose family is threatened by bad guys. This motif in his CV was spoofed in a very funny YouTube mash-up.

9. Martin Stett

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Appears in: The Conversation (1974)
Quote: “I’m not following you. I’m looking for you. There’s a big difference.”
A relatively minor role in a paranoia thriller directed by Francis Ford Coppola. In the original script Stett was just an unnamed underling, but Coppola liked Ford’s approach so much – he played him with a cool menace and decided he was gay – that the character was given extra screentime.

8. Allie Fox

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Appears in: The Mosquito Coast (1986)
Quote: “Look around you. How did America get this way? Land of promise, land of opportunity. Give us the wretched refuse of your teeming shores. Have a Coke. Watch TV.”
Based on a Paul Theroux novel, the film tells the story of an American man who moves his family to Belize in search of a purer, simpler life. Ford plays Allie’s increasingly unhinged behaviour really well.

7. Jack Trainer

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Appears in: Working Girl (1988)
Quote: “Me? Nah.”
Harrison shows off his skill with light comedy in this likeable 80s film about big business. He plays the object of the lead character’s affections: a honest, undemanding guy in a cut-throat world.

6. Rusty Sabich

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Appears in: Presumed Innocent (1990)
Quote: “Next time you talk to him, tell him to call me so I can find out what’s going on in my own fucking investigation.”
In this taut mystery movie, Ford plays an assistant district attorney who must investigate the murder of his own mistress. It’s his story, so we’re seeing events through his eyes, yet the longer the film goes on the more you doubt his sincerity. Is Rusty actually the killer?

5. Dr Richard Kimble

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Appears in: The Fugitive (1993)
Quote: “I didn’t kill my wife!”
Wrongly accused of murdering his other half, Kimble goes on the run and is chased by a US marshal played by Tommy Lee Jones. It’s a classic everyman role for Ford – well, a successful and rich everyman – and he’s excellent at playing an innocent who’s overtaken by events.

4. Jack Ryan

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Appears in: Patriot Games (1992), Clear and Present Danger (1994)
Quote: “I couldn’t just stand there and watch him shoot those people right in front of me. It was… rage. Pure rage… Just made me mad.”
This character – a CIA analyst and family man – was first played by Alec Baldwin in The Hunt for Red October (1990), a superb thriller about a rogue submarine. When Baldwin dropped out of the sequel, Harrison Ford took over. He played Jack Ryan in two very entertaining and well made movies, and brought bags of decency and guile to the role.

3. Rick Deckard

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Appears in: Blade Runner (1982), Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
Quote: “I was quit when I come in here, Bryant. I’m twice as quit now.”
Harrison Ford’s skill at conveying a huge amount with relatively little dialogue has never been better used than in this magnificent movie. Deckard is a classic film-noir private detective working in a futuristic LA. He’s world-weary, laconic and damaged.

2. Dr Henry ‘Indiana’ Jones Jnr

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Appears in: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles: Young Indiana Jones and the Mystery of the Blues (1993, TV), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Quote: “It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.”
Indy is part college professor, part archaeologist and part globetrotting, Nazi-beating, wisecracking adventurer. With his fedora hat, leather jacket and whip, he’s a comic-book character come to life. A swashbuckling hero for the ages.

1. Han Solo

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Appears in: Star Wars (1977), The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978), The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Return of the Jedi (1983), Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
Quote: “Sometimes I amaze even myself.”
The words swagger and charisma could have been coined to describe Han Solo, the untrustworthy-smuggler-turned-hero-of-the-rebellion. He’s a dry, droll presence in the Star Wars series, adding cynicism and sarcasm to the otherwise earnest first film and then romance and soul to the sequels. He has the best spaceship in all of sci-fi, dresses like a cowboy, and is capable of a man-crush-generating smirk. Peerlessly, effortlessly, relentlessly cool.

Best of the rest: Also worth mentioning are… Boy racer Bob Falfa in American Graffiti (1973) and More American Graffiti (1979)… Colonel Lucas, the nervous military toady in Apocalypse Now (1979)… David Halloran, the US soldier in soppy war film Hanover Street (1979)… Policeman John Book in Amish thriller Witness (1985)… and Richard Walker, yet another husband worried about his under-threat wife, in Frantic (1988).

Downton Abbey: series 4 episode 3

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SPOILER WARNING: Plot points will be revealed in this episode-by-episode discussion of ITV period drama Downton Abbey.

Written by Julian Fellowes. Directed by Catherine Morshead. Originally broadcast: 6 October 2013, ITV.

Various guests come to Downton for a house party, including a card sharp, a famous singer, and potential suitors for Rose and Mary. But events take a very dark turn…

When is it set? Spring or summer 1922.

Where is it set? The house and its estate. Isobel’s house. The village.

Debuts, deaths and guest stars:
* Mr Green (Nigel Harman) is valet to the visiting Lord Gillingham (so due to the conventions of the time is called Mr Gillingham by the other servants). He flirts with Anna, which rubs Mr Bates up the wrong way, then later rapes her while everyone else is watching a concert.
* Anthony Foyle aka Lord Gillingham (Tom Cullen) comes to visit the house. He knew the Crawley sisters when they were all young. He has an unseen girlfriend, Mabel Lane Fox, but takes a romantic interest in Mary.
* Other guests include the Duchess of Yeovil (Joanna David), Sir John Bullock (Andrew Alexander) and Terence Samson (Patrick Kennedy). Sir John is a potential boyfriend for Lady Rose. Samson is a card sharp who tries to fleece the other men, so Michael Gregson teaches him a lesson.
* Australian singer Dame Nellie Melba (Kiri Te Kanawa) performs at the house. There’s a fuss, though, when snobbish Mr Carson thinks she should eat in her room rather than with the other guests. Robert agrees, but Cora is furious when she finds out. This is a rare instance of Downton Abbey dramatising a real-life figure (see ‘Real history’ below).

Best bits:
* Violet’s being very kind this week. She schools Tom on etiquette, then seeks out an isolated Isobel and insists that she come to the house party.
* The servants discuss card games. “You can’t lose a fortune playing snap,” says Jimmy. “I could,” says Molesley.
* Poor Molesley is seconded as a lowly footman and even has to wear gloves while serving food.
* Carson walks into the kitchen to see chaos. “What’s going on?” he demands. A hassled Daisy says, “Alfred’s making the sauces for the dinner and Mrs Patmore’s having a heart attack!” Carson replies, “I’m not surprised.” (He’s misunderstood: Alfred’s doing the cooking *because* Mrs P is having a heart attack. Well, actually it turns out to be only a panic attack.)
* After Robert is conned by a card sharp, Michael Gregson uses his superior skill at poker to win the money back – and Robert’s respect.

Worst bits:
* Mr Green brutally attacks Anna while everyone else listens to Dame Nellie’s performance. (I place this here in ‘Worst bits’ not because it’s bad storytelling or bad writing or because it shouldn’t have happened. There’s nothing wrong with dramatic things taking place in a drama. But it’s a harrowing thing to see.)
* The Edna/Tom storyline fails to fly. She sneaks into his bedroom late at night but it’s difficult to care.

Real history:
* Dame Nellie Melba (1861-1931) was a famous Australian operatic soprano. By 1922 she’d been singing all over the world for three decades, so Downton Abbey rather underplays her standing. Experts say she would never have been treated as anything less than a star, even by a snobbish butler. She was also 80 years old (Kiri Te Kanawa was 69) and would not have drunk alcohol before a performance, as she does in this episode.
* Robert is a member of White’s, a gentlemen’s club in St James’s. It was founded in 1693, making it the oldest such club in London.
* Rose says she’s a fan of American singer and actor Al Jolson (1886-1950). She’s got all his records including April Showers, a song Jolson debuted in the Broadway show Bombo in October 1921.
* Violet quotes poet Christina Rossetti (1830-1894): “Better by far that you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.” Isobel points out that Rossetti was talking about her own death, not her child’s.

Upstairs, Downton: Mr Carson uses the phrase “north of the park” as a dismissive way of saying an aristo is down on her luck. It was a snobbish idea based on the area of houses north of Hyde Park in London; society people generally lived to the south, in Belgravia. In a 1971 episode of Upstairs, Downstairs, Lady Majorie was aghast at the idea of moving there when the family’s finances had to be tightened.

Maggie Smithism of the week: After she complains about Tom’s dull small talk, Violet is told that not everyone can be Oscar Wilde. “That’s a relief,” she says.

Mary’s men: Mary shares a connection with Tony Gillingham. He’s interested in her; she’s reticent, but they share a dance. Also, despite having a girlfriend, he says he’d like to take Mary out. It don’t take a genius to see where this storyline is going.

Doggie! Isis is spotted sitting in the library. When Robert leaves rather than chit-chat with Michael Gregson, the dog follows.

Review: The conclusion of this episode caused a controversy, with some viewers objecting to a rape occurring on a Sunday night on ITV. This, to me, seems to be missing the point. On a storytelling level it works so well because it’s incongruous. Any rape is shocking, but to have something so savage in the cosy world of Downton Abbey is incredibly effective and affecting drama.

Next episode…

The Lego Batman Movie (2017, Chris McKay)

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Spoiler warning: these reviews reveal plot twists.

The Joker is causing carnage in Gotham, while Batman is going through issues of loneliness…

Good guys: Bruce Wayne/Batman (voiced by Will Arnett) is the hero of Gotham City (“I love you more than my kids!” says a member of the general public). However, new police commissioner Barbara Gordon (Rosario Dawson) wants to put an end to his vigilantism. Meanwhile, Bruce is also feeling lonely in his millionaire’s mansion with just loyal butler Alfred (Ralph Fiennes) for company. Later, the household gets an addition when Bruce accidentally agrees to adopt a young, enthusiastic orphan named Dick Grayson (Michael Cera), who joins Batman on his missions and eventually gets the name Robin. Superman (Channing Tatum) also has a couple of appearances.

Bad guys: The Joker (Zack Galifianakis) wants to blow up the city but he’s upset when he realises Batman doesn’t consider him to be his number-one enemy. There’s also a large gang of bad guys who initially support the Joker. They include the Riddler (Conan O’Brien), the Scarecrow (Jason Mantzoukas), Bane (Doug Benson), Two-Face (Billy Dee Williams), Catwoman (Zoe Kravitz), Clayface (Kate Micucci), Poison Ivy (Riki Lindhome), Mr Freeze (David Burrows), Penguin (John Venzon) and Harley Quinn (Jenny Slate). After the Joker surrenders to the cops he’s sent to the Phantom Zone (the mystical prison from the Superman movies), where he recruits lots of other bad guys from non-DC fictions. These include Sauron (Jermaine Clement), Lord Voldemort (Eddie Izzard), Godzilla, King Kong (Seth Green), Daleks (referred to as “British robots… Ask your nerd friends”), the shark from Jaws, Gremlins, the Wicked Witch of the West (Riki Lindhome) and the flying monkeys, Dracula, Medusa, Agent Smith from The Matrix and a velociraptor from Jurassic Park. The Joker brings them to Gotham to take his revenge on Batman. 

Best bits:
* The film starts with a black screen and Batman giving a meta voiceover about how all great films begin with a black screen. He then comments on the production-company logos.
* The opening scene features an aircraft from MacGuffin Airlines. The flight is also Flight 1138, which is a reference to two George Lucas movies.
* The first appearance of the Joker. He tries to intimidate an airline pilot, but the pilot just points out that all the Joker’s plans fail (“Like that time with the parade and the Prince music?”).
* In a gag that only becomes apparent during the end credits, Two-Face is voiced by Billy Dee Williams, who played the pre-villain character in the 1989 Batman film.
* When characters shoot guns, they vocalise the ‘Pwew-pwew-pe-pwew’ sound effects.
* The incidental music is great.
* Batman sings a song while he deals with the Joker: “In the darkest night/I make the bad guys fall/There’s a million heroes/But I’m the best of them all.”
* The Batmobile’s horn is the theme music from the 1960s TV series.
* The password to Batman’s secret lair is ‘Iron Man sucks’.
* Batman bored at home: microwaving lobster thermidor, struggling to find the right AV channel on his telly, and watching Jerry Maguire.
* The interior of Wayne Manor is reminiscent of Xanadu, Charles Foster Kane’s home in Citizen Kane.
* Alfred says that Bruce also had maudlin periods in “2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966.” As he mentions each year we get a flash of the relevant Batman movie (Lego reconstructions for the first eight, then a live-action clip for 1966).
* “My name’s Richard Grayson but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.” “Well, children can be cruel.”
* Barbara Gordon is announced as Gotham’s new police commissioner via an X Factor-style VT. It tells us she cleaned up a nearby crime-ridden city by using “statistics!!! And compassion!!!”
* When Barbara says they can manage without Batman, Bruce Wayne calmly asks a waiter for a drink, then gulps some of it so he can spit it out.
* The shark repellent: a neat call-back to the 1960s film.
* Batman asks if Dick is “110-per-cent expendable”. Dick: “I don’t know what that means, but okay!”
* Dick tries out some potential superhero costumes. Batman says the El Mariachi one is culturally insensitive.
* Batman has been keeping count of how many good ideas he’s had (5,678,482) and how many good ideas everyone else has had (none).
* Superman’s front-door bell at the Fortress of Solitude is the musical motif from Superman: The Movie.
* Batman’s nervous flirting with Barbara.
* When he reaches Gotham, Lord Voldemort turns police officers into fish, frogs and fish-frogs. “Sergeant Jackson,” says the police chief, “stop floppin’ around!”
* Barbara Gordon tells Batman she will let him out of prison if he agrees to team up with other people to fight crime. “Who am I working with? SEAL team six? Fox Force Five? Suicide Squad?”
* A cat gets engulfed by lava. “I’m okay!” you hear it say.
* Robin needs the loo. “Can you hold it in like a big boy?” asks Batman.
* Having joined the fight, Alfred says: “Bob’s your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!” He’s British, of course.
* Phyllis, the brick-shaped administrator of the Phantom Zone, calls Batman ‘Mr Batman’ and emphasises the first syllable, as if his name was Harman or something.
* Batman tells Robin they’re going to punch the bad guys so hard that “words describing the impact are gonna spontaneously materialise out of thin air.”
* The music over the end credits is “happy, poppy music, the kind that makes parents and studio executives happy.”

Review: This spin-off might not be quite as awesome as the original Lego Movie but it’s still enormous fun. It balances gags for kids with postmodern references, and lots of action with plenty of heart. As with The Lego Movie, the most impressive thing is the design work. The look of the film is astonishing. Although done with CG, the characters and their surroundings feel real and solid and three-dimensional. There’s smoke and water and lens flares. Scenes are shot inventively, with crash-zooms, whip-pans and circular tracks. Action is Michael Bay-huge and dramatic. And the movie’s colour scheme is vibrant and dynamic. The movie is also remorselessly funny, but if anything the assault of jokes and fun details is too relentless. You just can’t keep up and have to accept that on one viewing you’re going to miss a large proportion. (Not that repeat viewings would be a chore.) Nevertheless, a charming, smart and very enjoyable 100 minutes.

Eight snake clowns out of 10

Dig Out Your Soul (2008)

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Cover: It makes my eyes hurt.

Best track: I’m Outta Time was written by Liam Gallagher and is another vehicle for his John Lennon obsession. The piano phrases are similar to Lennon’s 1971 song Jealous Guy, while John himself can be heard towards the end via a snatch of a 1980 interview. But whatever the provenance, the resulting song is enjoyable. It has a resonant, anchoring bassline, a plaintive vocal melody, and a nice mid-tempo rhythm. It was the LP’s second single.

Honourable mentions:
* The Turning (written by Noel Gallagher) is initially based on a hip drum pattern and soft organ chords, and it’s a nice laid-back vibe. The track then turns more rocky for the chorus and guitar solo.
* The Shock of the Lightning – which was the album’s opening single – was both written and recorded very quickly. Noel has said that the finished track is essentially a demo that was good enough to release. It’s an urgent and head-nod-inducing rocker.
* The pleasingly odd (Get Off Your) High Horse Lady has a seesaw rhythm, relentless acoustic strums, handclaps and a distorted lead vocal from Noel, who wrote the song. (It also has a boring 30-second coda of footsteps that we could live without.)
* Falling Down (written and sung by Noel) was this album’s third single and therefore the band’s last ever before splitting suddenly in August 2009. Like a lot of this album, it has a grungy feel with a prominent drum pattern.
* Soldier On is another down-and-dirty production, with a swampy-sounding bass guitar. This is the last track on the last Oasis album and was written by Liam.

Worst track: Ain’t Got Nothing is a rambling, uncontrolled and irritating track written by Liam.

Weirdest lyric: The first song on the album, Bag It Up, starts with this piece of nonsense: “Gold and silver and sunshine is rising up/Pour yourself another cup of Lady Grey/Take my hand in the meantime, when you’ve had enough/You’ll find me on the end of a runway, babe.”

Best video: I’m Outta Time’s promo is in black and white, and sees Liam hanging out with foxes and owls.

Review: Before starting work on Dig Out Your Soul, Noel told a reporter that he wanted to make ‘an absolutely fucking colossal album’ – and this does fit the bill. It’s dominated by a huge, heavy, distorted sound. But because of this it lacks variety – even after several listens, many songs blur into one.

Seven days turning to night out of 10