I love Warehouse 13. Adore it. Totally.

WAREHOUSE 13 -- Season: 2 -- Pictured: (l-r) Saul Rubinek as Artie Nielsen, Joanne Kelly as Myka Bering, Eddie McClintock as Pete Lattimer, Allison Scagliotti as Claudia Donovan -- Photo by: Justin Stephens/Syfy

Well, not *totally*. Here are 10 rubbish things about it… (SPOILERS AHEAD.)

  1. Leena is really boring. Her role in the team was usurped once Claudia came along in episode four, yet she hangs around for four seasons and doesn’t contribute much.
  2. Product placement might have been a necessary evil, but is often really distracting. In season two, Myka keeps shoehorning in mentions of Twizzlers for no apparent reason.
  3. The pilot episode has a character called Daniel Dickinson, who’s Pete and Myka’s boss at the Secret Service. However, despite the actor being credited throughout season one he only appears in two further episodes. He’s then brought back – for one scene, with no dialogue – and killed off in season two. The show generally abandoned the interesting connection between the Warehouse and the real-world authorities.
  4. The mooted spin-off show about HG Wells solving mysteries in Victorian London never happened. The ‘backdoor pilot’ episode (season three’s 3… 2… 1…) is a doozy, but sadly a series didn’t follow. It would have been ace.
  5. Claudia gets increasingly smug the longer the show goes on. At first, she’s energetic, enthusiastic and a comic-strip character come to life. By the time of season four, though, she’s self-obsessed, vain and quite annoying.
  6. In season four, we meet a character called Nick and the actor uses an absolutely atrocious English accent.
  7. Myka’s cancer. The diagnosis comes out of nowhere, then the storyline is rushed through and dumped quickly.
  8. The fact Claudia has a brother is all but forgotten about in the final season. It’s revealed that their sister didn’t die years before and is still alive, but he seemingly can’t be arsed to jump on a plane.
  9. Pete and Myka getting together. Urgh. Nope, never bought it. We’d had four and a half seasons of the most brilliant platonic male/female friendship on television, then as soon as the show gets axed a romance is forced upon the characters in the space of two episodes. You can almost see the doubt in the actors’ eyes.
  10. At the end of a generally wonderful final episode, a laughably self-indulgent scene sees executive producer Jack Kenny cast himself as the boss of a future Warehouse.

See, I didn’t even MENTION the fact they kept using Toronto to stand in for places such as London, Moscow, Paris, Cardiff, Watford…

I love Lost. Adore it. Totally.

Lost-Cast-700800-1

Well, not *totally*. In no particular order, here are 10 RUBBISH things about it… (Spoilers ahead.)

  1. Stranger in a Strange Land, the famous ‘Jack’s tattoo’ episode. It has a pathetic, boring flashback story with a terrible guest performance.
  2. Nikki and Paulo. If they’d only been in the one episode that tells us about their backstory then kills them off, the idea might have worked. It would have been a fun exercise in a new point of view. But having them turn up, unannounced yet seeming like they’ve always been there, a few episodes into season three was incredibly inelegant.
  3. Season three also has a number of redundant flashbacks – Locke joins a commune, Kate gets married, Sayid is recognised by a torture victim – that slot into what’s already been established but don’t shed much new light on anything.
  4. The ‘Australian’ accents are often horrifically horrible. Some American actors seem to think Australians talk like 19th-century cockneys. The show was shot in Hawaii. Was it really so difficult to fly some Aussie over for a guest spot?
  5. In a Desmond episode – Flashes Before Your Eyes – the production designer spells ‘honour’ the American way on a British Army recruitment poster. Sigh.
  6. On a similar note, we see Brixton in the episode Fire + Water. It looks nothing like the real Brixton. There are tramps huddled round a burning oil drum.
  7. Season six has a lot of walking back and forth across the island for not terribly exciting reasons. The show seems much more interested in the ‘flash-sideways’ at that point.
  8. Also, all the stuff at the temple in that final season is really dull. Who’s that Dogen guy? How can he bring people back to life? Why does he have an interpreter? Why do we never find out that the interpreter’s name is, according to Lostpedia, Lennon? Even if these had been answered, I’m not convinced we’d care.
  9. Actually… why *is* Walt special?
  10. Nope, can’t think of a 10th bad thing.

See, I didn’t even MENTION polar bears. (Because, despite what uninformed people will tell you, they demonstrably explained the polar bears.)

I love The West Wing. Adore it. Totally.

Wednesdays on NBC (9-10 p.m. ET)

Well, not *totally*. In no particular order, here are 10 RUBBISH things about it, which my latest rewatch has thrown up… (Spoilers ahead.)

  1. Aside from a couple of examples, the journalists in it are all sycophantic, naïve and easily fobbed-off.
  2. It gets the British idiom hopelessly fuddled at times. Aside from the usual confusion over England/Great Britain/the UK, the British Ambassador keeps referring to himself as representing ‘Her Royal Majesty’. (There’s also the preposterous idea that the Daily Mirror would pay thousands of dollars for a picture of a White House staffer standing next to a call girl. Like they’d care!)
  3. The episode where CJ goes home to Ohio is very dull.
  4. The episode where CJ is followed by a documentary camera crew is terribly hackneyed. It also features loads of characters presented as regulars who we never see at any other time.
  5. How Toby is treated in the final year or two is awful. Not only what they have him do, but also how he’s then absent from most of the final season.
  6. Amy Gardiner really annoys me. Her doe-eyed arrogance makes me reach for the fast-forward button.
  7. The notion that anyone would consider Leo – an ex-drug addict and alcoholic, who’s tied to the last president and has just had a heart attack – as a Vice President nominee is laughable.
  8. The 9/11 episode. Well intentioned, sure. But so, so patronising. In fact, almost everything to do with real-world Middle East countries is just horrendous. The story that bridges seasons five and six sees characters go to Gaza then solve the Israeli/Palestinian crisis over a long weekend. Yuck.
  9. Great characters routinely get dropped to semi-regular status or forgotten about all together: Laurie, Gina Toscano, Lionel Tribbey, Will Bailey, Bob Russell, Charlie, Joe Quincy, Mallory, Elsie Snuffin…
  10. Joey Lucas should have been promoted to the regular cast as soon as she appeared.

See, I didn’t even MENTION Mandy!